Communication is key to success in all relationships. From romantic relationships to professional relationships to parent-child relationships, it is important individuals learn to and are able to effectively communicate with each other.
Why is communication important? Good communication can and will increase the satisfaction of your life just as bad communication can and will reduce it. How so?
Well, we all have something to say and we all wish to relate our needs, desires, thoughts, and emotions to our romantic partners, co-workers, children, friends, and loved ones. Sharing our thoughts allows us to express our feelings, it relieves stress, and it is important for building a bond and strengthening the relationship. More importantly, if you communicate well you’re more likely to be well-liked and respected.
Communication is always important, but particularly important during time of conflicts and stress. It will prevent (or minimize) misunderstandings which can lead to unnecessary arguments. These are the times when our personal feelings and biases come into play and what we say is often reflected in our feelings, insecurities, and limiting beliefs. If you practice good communication skills, however, it will help you resolve conflicts at a faster rate.
Tips to Enhance Your Communication and Your Relationships
Listen: Listen to what you are being told. A person’s words are a good give away of what they want from you. Try not to add your own interpretation of their words. Repeat what they say in different words and see if your partner agrees with you.
Attention: When someone is trying to communicate with you, place your full attention on that person. Sometimes it’s tempting to split your attention between your partner and the television/ work/ other activity. It can even be tempting to just tune your partner out. This is hurtful and can cause your partner to feel insignificant to you.
Body language: A picture tells 1000 words. So does your body language. What is your body language saying? Through your body language you can convey annoyance, boredom, love, disinterest, etc. It is best when body language matches what you are trying to say.
Be direct & concise: Often times we speak in code (especially women) and just want our loved one to guess what we want. Sometimes we say one thing hoping s/he will know we mean another thing. Of course this leads to confusion, fights, frustration, and disappointment. Be honest and direct (get to the point) when communicating.
Think ahead: Most of us (if not all of us) can recall saying something only to regret it as its coming out of our mouths. Words can be wounding. When communicating with your partner stay in the present moment and think about how your words will affect your partner and impact your relationship. Remember, once you say it you can’t take it back.
Need to be right: While it’s great to be right, we are seldom right ALL the time. Many times your discussion has nothing to do with who is right and everything to do with understanding where each of you is coming from. If there is a right or wrong, it’s important both parties accept responsibility for their own mistakes. Do not make your argument about whose mistake is bigger, or different, or stupider, or worse. Concentrate on solving the issue at hand and not on who is more right.
Ivana Pejakovic, Life Coach in Toronto
Saturday, September 24, 2011
Monday, November 29, 2010
Adolescence & socialization: How can I guide my teen to make the ‘right’ kind of friends?
Do you find your teen has a hard time finding new friends? More importantly, do you think your teen has settled in with the first friends that came along despite the friends’ questionable quality?
Making new friends can be quite nerve-racking for a teen, especially if s/he has low self-esteem and confidence levels. Finding friends with similar values can be even more challenging.
Teens are in the process of figuring out who they are. Fear of judgement is at its highest and confusion about how the world works is a factor too. This is the time for you, the parent, to step in and instil your values on your kids. The question is how do you encourage your teen to find friends who will positively influence him or her?
Parents play an important role in their children’s lives. High expectations for your children are not enough. You need to teach and steer your kids on HOW to pick the ‘right friends.’
Before you read on, think for a minute: If you went to your teen’s room to speak to him or her about making the ‘right’ kind of friends how would you go about this conversation?
Take a moment and think about it...
When guiding you teen, it is not enough to say this is how it is and that’s it. It is not enough to expect him or her to follow adult reasoning because s/he will not (adult reasoning is not always clear to adults either). Instead, sit down with your child and guide him or her through the process of finding the ‘right’ friends.
Tips to help your teen make the ‘right’ friends:
1. Sign your teen up for 1 or 2 extracurricular activities. It can be a sports team, an art class, or dance class. Pick something s/he would enjoy or ask your teen to pick the class s/he would like to participate in. This way you give your teen power to choose what s/he wants to do. The point is your teen cannot make friends if s/he has no place to meet new people.
2. Guide him or her on how to select friends. For example: Teach your teen to carefully choose his or her friends. Direct your teen to ask him or herself what s/he is looking for in NEW friends? Get your teen to write down 5 qualities or characteristics s/he would like the new friends to have.
3. Once your teen has a list prepared, ask him or her how the current friends measure up to these qualities. Ask about each friend, one at a time.
4. Let your teen know this doesn’t mean s/he can’t talk to other people who don’t have these qualities and characteristics. Encourage your teen to be friendly with everyone, BUT his or her closest friends should have most of the qualities they listed above.
5. Encourage your teen to make friends with people who have similar values to him or her (values are those things that are really important to us— e.g., family togetherness, going to university, education, staying healthy by not smoking, drinking and doing drugs, respecting others by not gossiping, etc.
6. If your teen is hoping to form a friendship with someone, ask him or her why s/he wishes to be friends with this particular person or this group of people? Ask him or her if these reasons are compatible to his or her answers to questions 2 and 5.
7. Demonstrate to your teen that friends can and probably will influence his or her behaviour. For example, ask him or her to think about something s/he does with newer set of friends that s/he never did with previous friends (or one group of friends compared to another group). Ask him or her to think of 2 good examples and 2 negative examples.
8. Encourage your teen to think about how s/he wants his or her friends to influence him or her? Ask him or her to think of 5 ways s/he would like to be influenced? Ask him or her how she would not like to be influenced.
Interested in more information? Contact Life Coach in Toronto, Ivana Pejakovic and personally speak to her about your teen.
Teens are a very special part of our society. They are our tomorrow! Today, it is up to us to inspire them to be all that they can be!
Making new friends can be quite nerve-racking for a teen, especially if s/he has low self-esteem and confidence levels. Finding friends with similar values can be even more challenging.
Teens are in the process of figuring out who they are. Fear of judgement is at its highest and confusion about how the world works is a factor too. This is the time for you, the parent, to step in and instil your values on your kids. The question is how do you encourage your teen to find friends who will positively influence him or her?
Parents play an important role in their children’s lives. High expectations for your children are not enough. You need to teach and steer your kids on HOW to pick the ‘right friends.’
Before you read on, think for a minute: If you went to your teen’s room to speak to him or her about making the ‘right’ kind of friends how would you go about this conversation?
Take a moment and think about it...
When guiding you teen, it is not enough to say this is how it is and that’s it. It is not enough to expect him or her to follow adult reasoning because s/he will not (adult reasoning is not always clear to adults either). Instead, sit down with your child and guide him or her through the process of finding the ‘right’ friends.
Tips to help your teen make the ‘right’ friends:
1. Sign your teen up for 1 or 2 extracurricular activities. It can be a sports team, an art class, or dance class. Pick something s/he would enjoy or ask your teen to pick the class s/he would like to participate in. This way you give your teen power to choose what s/he wants to do. The point is your teen cannot make friends if s/he has no place to meet new people.
2. Guide him or her on how to select friends. For example: Teach your teen to carefully choose his or her friends. Direct your teen to ask him or herself what s/he is looking for in NEW friends? Get your teen to write down 5 qualities or characteristics s/he would like the new friends to have.
3. Once your teen has a list prepared, ask him or her how the current friends measure up to these qualities. Ask about each friend, one at a time.
4. Let your teen know this doesn’t mean s/he can’t talk to other people who don’t have these qualities and characteristics. Encourage your teen to be friendly with everyone, BUT his or her closest friends should have most of the qualities they listed above.
5. Encourage your teen to make friends with people who have similar values to him or her (values are those things that are really important to us— e.g., family togetherness, going to university, education, staying healthy by not smoking, drinking and doing drugs, respecting others by not gossiping, etc.
6. If your teen is hoping to form a friendship with someone, ask him or her why s/he wishes to be friends with this particular person or this group of people? Ask him or her if these reasons are compatible to his or her answers to questions 2 and 5.
7. Demonstrate to your teen that friends can and probably will influence his or her behaviour. For example, ask him or her to think about something s/he does with newer set of friends that s/he never did with previous friends (or one group of friends compared to another group). Ask him or her to think of 2 good examples and 2 negative examples.
8. Encourage your teen to think about how s/he wants his or her friends to influence him or her? Ask him or her to think of 5 ways s/he would like to be influenced? Ask him or her how she would not like to be influenced.
Interested in more information? Contact Life Coach in Toronto, Ivana Pejakovic and personally speak to her about your teen.
Teens are a very special part of our society. They are our tomorrow! Today, it is up to us to inspire them to be all that they can be!
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
Self-esteem, self-confidence, and self-efficacy: Moulding your young child into a happy, socially adjusted, and successful teen
By: Ivana Pejakovic, B.Sc., MA
Children’s self-esteem starts forming during the ‘baby years.’ Babies’ experiences with their parents during these early years start shaping their self-image, self-confidence, and self-efficacy. Parents who spend much of their time criticizing as opposed to praising what their kids do or attempt to do may foster low self-esteem and self-efficacy.
Parents send out many messages to their children about who they are. Young children absorb these messages and accept them as fact. As kids grow, other people enter their lives. Siblings, other family members, and family friends will also influence the way the young children see themselves.
The more positive messages young children receive about themselves the better chance they have of developing a positive self-esteem and in building their faith in their capabilities. Experiences during this early time play an important role in setting children up for the next stage in their life; how each child will relate to teachers, peers, academic challenges, and strangers.
When they start school kids go in with an already set level of self-esteem and self-efficacy. This will influence how children see themselves in this new environment and how they perceive their ability to handle new situations such as relating to peers.
During the elementary school years, new experiences continue to shape children’s self-esteem. Often times these new experiences will reinforce the beliefs children have already formed about themselves. Whether they are limited or boundless self-beliefs, children, just like adults, will use novel situations to support how they see and feel about themselves.
When kids enter the teen years, they enter these years with self-esteem and self-confidence levels that were formed based on the experiences they endured during infancy and childhood. The type of feedback they received from parents, teachers, coaches, and peers has now shaped their view of their worth, their abilities, and who they are.
During these years, parents still have a strong influence on how children perceive themselves. They have the power to counter the negative experiences children have and to endorse the positive ones. How parents help their kids handle the new situations will influence children’s subsequent self-perception.
Self-esteem develops early in life and evolves as kids go through different life experiences. Each life experience shapes their self-image which in turn shapes their self-esteem and level of confidence. It is important for parents to realize the power they have in shaping their children’s image of themselves and how they feel about themselves.
As soon as infants start exploring the world, parents need to provide a secure and positive learning environment. Correcting their children’s behaviour in a caring and nurturing manner is the best approach to build a positive self-image and a healthy self-esteem and confidence level in their children.
Interested in more information about the benefits of teen coaching? Visit http://www.lifecoachintoronto.com/ and learn how Life Coach in Toronto, Ivana Pejakovic can help motivate your teens to achieve their goals.
Teens are a very special part of our society. They are our tomorrow! Today, it is up to us to inspire them to be all that they can be!
Children’s self-esteem starts forming during the ‘baby years.’ Babies’ experiences with their parents during these early years start shaping their self-image, self-confidence, and self-efficacy. Parents who spend much of their time criticizing as opposed to praising what their kids do or attempt to do may foster low self-esteem and self-efficacy.
Parents send out many messages to their children about who they are. Young children absorb these messages and accept them as fact. As kids grow, other people enter their lives. Siblings, other family members, and family friends will also influence the way the young children see themselves.
The more positive messages young children receive about themselves the better chance they have of developing a positive self-esteem and in building their faith in their capabilities. Experiences during this early time play an important role in setting children up for the next stage in their life; how each child will relate to teachers, peers, academic challenges, and strangers.
When they start school kids go in with an already set level of self-esteem and self-efficacy. This will influence how children see themselves in this new environment and how they perceive their ability to handle new situations such as relating to peers.
During the elementary school years, new experiences continue to shape children’s self-esteem. Often times these new experiences will reinforce the beliefs children have already formed about themselves. Whether they are limited or boundless self-beliefs, children, just like adults, will use novel situations to support how they see and feel about themselves.
When kids enter the teen years, they enter these years with self-esteem and self-confidence levels that were formed based on the experiences they endured during infancy and childhood. The type of feedback they received from parents, teachers, coaches, and peers has now shaped their view of their worth, their abilities, and who they are.
During these years, parents still have a strong influence on how children perceive themselves. They have the power to counter the negative experiences children have and to endorse the positive ones. How parents help their kids handle the new situations will influence children’s subsequent self-perception.
Self-esteem develops early in life and evolves as kids go through different life experiences. Each life experience shapes their self-image which in turn shapes their self-esteem and level of confidence. It is important for parents to realize the power they have in shaping their children’s image of themselves and how they feel about themselves.
As soon as infants start exploring the world, parents need to provide a secure and positive learning environment. Correcting their children’s behaviour in a caring and nurturing manner is the best approach to build a positive self-image and a healthy self-esteem and confidence level in their children.
Interested in more information about the benefits of teen coaching? Visit http://www.lifecoachintoronto.com/ and learn how Life Coach in Toronto, Ivana Pejakovic can help motivate your teens to achieve their goals.
Teens are a very special part of our society. They are our tomorrow! Today, it is up to us to inspire them to be all that they can be!
Monday, November 8, 2010
Settling into the new school year. Falling back into the old habits?
By: Ivana Pejakovic, B.Sc., MA
The start of a new school year is always full of hopes and plans for making this year even better than the previous one(s). The beginning may even bring forth changes in youths’ and parental behaviour, thinking and feelings.
Unfortunately, these changes don’t always last very long. Often times, both teens and parents slip back into old routines from previous years, despite the fact they didn’t produce desired results. When life takes over, including our regular responsibilities, duties and worries, and when everything becomes hectic, it is just easier to slip back into the way things used to be to decrease pressure, stress and exertion.
Many families struggle to effectively change routine. It really can be difficult to change behaviour that has lasted for years but it is not impossible. When trying to make changes in youth’s behaviour, family support and encouragement is very important and will go much further than “letting them do it on their own.” While teens need to work on their behaviour on their own, family follow-up is important, valuable and it implies caring.
I suggest short weekly meetings to recap what has been done, what hasn’t been done, what prevented the goals from materializing, what helped with goal success, and what can be done to increase the possibility of future success, etc. Positive discussions over dinner about goal progress will be especially helpful. Lecture-style discussions or “I know best” usually don’t work well and will reduce the appetite. Parents ought to be open-minded and understand that changing behaviour, in addition to other pressures in a teen’s life, is hard—just think back to the success of your own new year’s resolutions.
As a parent, your job is to communicate with your teen and encourage them. Be in the know of what is going on with your child. When it comes to rearing teens we cannot be too busy to neglect what is going on with our kids. Knowing what helps your child succeed allows you to re-create the type of environment your teens need to thrive. Despite being mini-adults, good family relations are extremely beneficial for many areas of a teen’s life. Many studies have demonstrated that when parents show interest in what is going on in a teens’ life, including, school, sports, and social life, teens make better decisions. When approached in the right way, teens are willing to listen, speak, and take parental advice. Use this information to bond with your teen.
Ivana Pejakovic, Toronto Life Coach and Mentor
Teens are a very special part of our society. They are our tomorrow! Today, it is up to us to inspire them to be all that they can be!
The start of a new school year is always full of hopes and plans for making this year even better than the previous one(s). The beginning may even bring forth changes in youths’ and parental behaviour, thinking and feelings.
Unfortunately, these changes don’t always last very long. Often times, both teens and parents slip back into old routines from previous years, despite the fact they didn’t produce desired results. When life takes over, including our regular responsibilities, duties and worries, and when everything becomes hectic, it is just easier to slip back into the way things used to be to decrease pressure, stress and exertion.
Many families struggle to effectively change routine. It really can be difficult to change behaviour that has lasted for years but it is not impossible. When trying to make changes in youth’s behaviour, family support and encouragement is very important and will go much further than “letting them do it on their own.” While teens need to work on their behaviour on their own, family follow-up is important, valuable and it implies caring.
I suggest short weekly meetings to recap what has been done, what hasn’t been done, what prevented the goals from materializing, what helped with goal success, and what can be done to increase the possibility of future success, etc. Positive discussions over dinner about goal progress will be especially helpful. Lecture-style discussions or “I know best” usually don’t work well and will reduce the appetite. Parents ought to be open-minded and understand that changing behaviour, in addition to other pressures in a teen’s life, is hard—just think back to the success of your own new year’s resolutions.
As a parent, your job is to communicate with your teen and encourage them. Be in the know of what is going on with your child. When it comes to rearing teens we cannot be too busy to neglect what is going on with our kids. Knowing what helps your child succeed allows you to re-create the type of environment your teens need to thrive. Despite being mini-adults, good family relations are extremely beneficial for many areas of a teen’s life. Many studies have demonstrated that when parents show interest in what is going on in a teens’ life, including, school, sports, and social life, teens make better decisions. When approached in the right way, teens are willing to listen, speak, and take parental advice. Use this information to bond with your teen.
Ivana Pejakovic, Toronto Life Coach and Mentor
Teens are a very special part of our society. They are our tomorrow! Today, it is up to us to inspire them to be all that they can be!
Thursday, October 28, 2010
What’s Up for the Fall?
By: Ivana Pejakovic, B.Sc., MA
The return of fall offers teens many fall-time activities, including many opportunities for sports, fitness (e.g., martial arts), the arts (visual and performing), social activities and more. What will your teen participate in this fall?
I recommend signing your teens up for programs of their choice. Sometimes parents sign their children up for programs they would choose for themselves, or based on what the parent thinks is good for their child. A parent cannot re-live his or her youth through their teens’ life and trying to do so may only lead to dissatisfaction for the teen and disappointment for the parent.
Participating in fall activities is your teen’s opportunity to figure out what interests them. Giving them the ability to choose their own activities is empowering, and it allows them to participate in what is truly fulfilling to them. With the pressures of school and life in general, this could be just the activity that brings them serenity, inspiration, and joy. These are necessary feelings for healthy development. Picking out the activities you think your teen should participate in can induce anger, stress and can make him or her feel powerless. In addition, forcing teens to participate in unwanted programs or sports will lower their self-esteem, confidence, and happiness levels.
There are many other benefits to participating in extracurricular activities, including the opportunity for your teens to build on her natural talents, to socialize, and to grow psychologically. Participation in extracurricular activities provides an opportunity to meet new friends, develop new skills such as teamwork and leadership, and to form new experiences that can stimulate new thinking, open-mindedness, and can enhance the quality of his or her life. Allowing your teens to participate in their preferred activities can also stimulate them to perform better in school. With a well-balanced lifestyle and needs that are met, it is easier to do well in different areas of life.
This fall, seriously consider discussing with your teen what activities interest him or her and encourage him or her to sign up for a recreational activity. If you are tight with money, consider signing your teens up for free programs organized by the community (check out meetup.com for such opportunities). If there aren’t any groups around that suit your teen’s interests, consider organizing a group yourself. This could be a great opportunity for you to network with other parents.
Interested in more information about the benefits of teen coaching? Visit www.lifecoachintoronto.com and learn how Toronto Life Coach and Mentor, Ivana Pejakovic, can help motivate you and your teens to achieve their goals.
Teens are a very special part of our society. They are our tomorrow! Today,
it is up to us to inspire them to be all that they can be!
The return of fall offers teens many fall-time activities, including many opportunities for sports, fitness (e.g., martial arts), the arts (visual and performing), social activities and more. What will your teen participate in this fall?
I recommend signing your teens up for programs of their choice. Sometimes parents sign their children up for programs they would choose for themselves, or based on what the parent thinks is good for their child. A parent cannot re-live his or her youth through their teens’ life and trying to do so may only lead to dissatisfaction for the teen and disappointment for the parent.
Participating in fall activities is your teen’s opportunity to figure out what interests them. Giving them the ability to choose their own activities is empowering, and it allows them to participate in what is truly fulfilling to them. With the pressures of school and life in general, this could be just the activity that brings them serenity, inspiration, and joy. These are necessary feelings for healthy development. Picking out the activities you think your teen should participate in can induce anger, stress and can make him or her feel powerless. In addition, forcing teens to participate in unwanted programs or sports will lower their self-esteem, confidence, and happiness levels.
There are many other benefits to participating in extracurricular activities, including the opportunity for your teens to build on her natural talents, to socialize, and to grow psychologically. Participation in extracurricular activities provides an opportunity to meet new friends, develop new skills such as teamwork and leadership, and to form new experiences that can stimulate new thinking, open-mindedness, and can enhance the quality of his or her life. Allowing your teens to participate in their preferred activities can also stimulate them to perform better in school. With a well-balanced lifestyle and needs that are met, it is easier to do well in different areas of life.
This fall, seriously consider discussing with your teen what activities interest him or her and encourage him or her to sign up for a recreational activity. If you are tight with money, consider signing your teens up for free programs organized by the community (check out meetup.com for such opportunities). If there aren’t any groups around that suit your teen’s interests, consider organizing a group yourself. This could be a great opportunity for you to network with other parents.
Interested in more information about the benefits of teen coaching? Visit www.lifecoachintoronto.com and learn how Toronto Life Coach and Mentor, Ivana Pejakovic, can help motivate you and your teens to achieve their goals.
Teens are a very special part of our society. They are our tomorrow! Today,
it is up to us to inspire them to be all that they can be!
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
World Peace Day
Today’s International Peace Day. Many of you’ll think of political wars all over the world. It’s a good day to also think of personal disputes. We can’t solve larger issues in this world until we address smaller ones. Think of people you’ve hurt/belittled/misused/abused. Think of people who’ve done the same to you. Are you happy with how things are now or could you be happier if you didn’t expand energy on quarrels. Consider forgiving & making peace with others. If you want to see change in the world you must start with making changes in your own life.
“Be the change you want to see in the world” ~ Mahatma Gandhi
Your Teen Coach & Mentor,
Ivana
“Be the change you want to see in the world” ~ Mahatma Gandhi
Your Teen Coach & Mentor,
Ivana
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Open-Minded Parents: Accepting Your Teens Goals
Ivana Pejakovic, B.Sc., MA
Teenagers can be fun, exciting and creative. They can also be stubborn, self-absorbed and self-defeating. That’s why it’s so important to have open-minded parents to not only help guide the teen through the mind fields of life, but also to help them set and achieve realistic goals.
The most important thing a teenager’s parents need to understand is: they aren’t in control forever. Eventually the teen grows up and leaves the nest, and the steps parents take while the teen is under their roof is key to determining the level of success their teen will have when they grow up. A parent must be firm, but also understanding that being a teenager is about boundaries, experimentation, and setting goals. Parents should facilitate a learning process that helps their teen understand what goals they’re interested in, and how to move from point A to point B in terms of achieving them. This means helping the teen investigate future goals, not pressing upon them what the parents want them to do.
Another important strategy for parents is to recognize and reward effort versus innate ability. Every teen has different strengths and weaknesses and some teens are able to skate through something successfully by putting in minimum effort. For others, it takes great work and effort to achieve minimal success. That’s why “smart parenting” dictates putting more emphasis on the effort put into something, as opposed to simply the end result. This way, parents start to instill the importance of having a strong work ethic, which is critical to success later in life.
Parents should also use short term goals to reward and motivate their teens. Some parents have their teen’s life mapped out already and only reward them based on their long-term effort & commitment to achieving these long term goals. This can be a recipe for disaster, as teens’ thinking is much shorter term, and can lead to feelings of inadequacy, depression and failure if long term goals look like they’re not being met. Parents should help their child break up all goals into small, short term ones, and reward them accordingly, that way teens feel they are meeting with success, by achieving goals on a regular basis.
Parenting a teen can be a challenge, but by keeping and open mind & making smart decisions, the challenge can feel very rewarding. Facilitating learning processes, recognizing effort versus ability and using short term goals to motivate are a few of the ways to foster a strong relationship with your teen, as well as give them the best possible chance to meet their goals and be successful in life. Remember, teenagers can be very stubborn and the best way to make sure they’re on the right track is to give them the knowledge and understanding they need to make their own decisions.
Need some help understanding how to be an open-minded parent? Visit www.lifecoachintoronto.com and learn how Toronto Life Coach and Mentor, Ivana Pejakovic can help motivate your teens to achieve their goals.
Teenagers can be fun, exciting and creative. They can also be stubborn, self-absorbed and self-defeating. That’s why it’s so important to have open-minded parents to not only help guide the teen through the mind fields of life, but also to help them set and achieve realistic goals.
The most important thing a teenager’s parents need to understand is: they aren’t in control forever. Eventually the teen grows up and leaves the nest, and the steps parents take while the teen is under their roof is key to determining the level of success their teen will have when they grow up. A parent must be firm, but also understanding that being a teenager is about boundaries, experimentation, and setting goals. Parents should facilitate a learning process that helps their teen understand what goals they’re interested in, and how to move from point A to point B in terms of achieving them. This means helping the teen investigate future goals, not pressing upon them what the parents want them to do.
Another important strategy for parents is to recognize and reward effort versus innate ability. Every teen has different strengths and weaknesses and some teens are able to skate through something successfully by putting in minimum effort. For others, it takes great work and effort to achieve minimal success. That’s why “smart parenting” dictates putting more emphasis on the effort put into something, as opposed to simply the end result. This way, parents start to instill the importance of having a strong work ethic, which is critical to success later in life.
Parents should also use short term goals to reward and motivate their teens. Some parents have their teen’s life mapped out already and only reward them based on their long-term effort & commitment to achieving these long term goals. This can be a recipe for disaster, as teens’ thinking is much shorter term, and can lead to feelings of inadequacy, depression and failure if long term goals look like they’re not being met. Parents should help their child break up all goals into small, short term ones, and reward them accordingly, that way teens feel they are meeting with success, by achieving goals on a regular basis.
Parenting a teen can be a challenge, but by keeping and open mind & making smart decisions, the challenge can feel very rewarding. Facilitating learning processes, recognizing effort versus ability and using short term goals to motivate are a few of the ways to foster a strong relationship with your teen, as well as give them the best possible chance to meet their goals and be successful in life. Remember, teenagers can be very stubborn and the best way to make sure they’re on the right track is to give them the knowledge and understanding they need to make their own decisions.
Need some help understanding how to be an open-minded parent? Visit www.lifecoachintoronto.com and learn how Toronto Life Coach and Mentor, Ivana Pejakovic can help motivate your teens to achieve their goals.
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